


Sound of Mind

by nonebutyou



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 11:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14894229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonebutyou/pseuds/nonebutyou
Summary: In June, Will's memories start coming back.In July, Paul ends their relationship.





	Sound of Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Come wallow in angst with me for a little while. :(
> 
> This contains very minor spoilers and speculation based on spoilers, but mostly it's come about because it makes me sad to think about Paul waiting to see if someone else's choice breaks his heart again.
> 
> The apparent lack of canon about Paul's birthday was convenient for this fic, but please let me know if there's any non-show info out there!

**one // inevitability**

In June, Will’s memories start coming back.

Rolf’s serum is designed to return memories piece by piece, a gradual restoration of the resurrected to their pre-dead self. Paul can tell when it happens; Will goes silent in the middle of conversations, his brow furrowing as he reconciles old knowledge of someone with newer impressions. It's hard on him. Paul knows that.

But it still hurts when Will becomes less— _present_. He’s more guarded around Paul and doesn't say why. He stops sharing the confusing, amusing, unbelievable details he's remembering about people. He’s a shadow of the charmingly open and honest person who returned from Memphis.

The thing is, Paul has never been as confident as Will that nothing would change between them. There is no reality in which a handful of months can even hope to measure up against a story spanning years. Sonny has always lurked just outside their blissful bubble, a reminder of what Will lost and could easily have again.

And as more of the blank spaces in Will’s mind are filled in, and he and Sonny begin spending more time together, it feels like that bubble has finally burst. Will and Sonny are ostensibly reconnecting for Arianna’s sake, but when Paul runs into them at the park together or laughing over milkshakes with their daughter, he can see a shift in the way they look at each other. There's something newly tentative in the way they touch.

June ends. Paul thinks about an interrupted wedding and the inevitability of everything that came after.

-

**two // conclusion**

In July, Paul ends his relationship with Will.

They're sitting at the foot of Paul’s bed, side-by-side and pressed close together. It wasn't planned, but he’s glad for it; he doesn't think his expression was as calm and even as his suggestion that they break up.

‘I’m sorry; I know you're going through a lot right now.’ Paul hesitates, makes himself go on. ‘But I think it’ll be worse if I waited.’

Will is quiet when he responds. ‘I don't understand. Have you— have your feelings for me changed?’

‘No. It's not that. It's… kind of the opposite.’

Paul’s thought about what to say, but it's hard to get the words out, and even harder when Will twists to look at him, seemingly ready to listen and let him unburden himself. He's missed that.

‘Ever since you came back from Memphis,’ he says softly, ‘we’ve been honest with each other, so I want to be honest with you now. The truth is, I think when you get all your memories back, you're not going to feel the same way about me or our relationship. And you won't feel the same about Sonny.’

Will’s hand twitches and then stills where it rests on his knee. He lets Paul continue without protest.

‘I wouldn't blame you,’ Paul says. He wishes he didn't sound as shattered as he feels. ‘There's a difference in being told you loved someone and remembering it, isn't there? And there's a difference in knowing we had a difficult past and remembering that, too.

‘Will, I want to believe you’ll still choose what we have now, but I can't. I don't know how, not when I see things already changing between us, and between you and Sonny. I feel like I’m always on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't want to feel like that again.’

‘Because you felt that way when Sonny found out I was alive,’ Will says slowly. He looks searchingly at Paul. ‘That's what this is about. You’re protecting yourself from getting hurt again.’

‘Yes.’ Somehow, it makes it worse that Will can guess at his motivation so quickly. ‘Is that selfish of me?’

Will laughs, a short, sharp sound. He tips forward so that his forehead rests against Paul’s. He's silent for a long time and Paul has no idea what he's thinking.

‘I’ll come by tomorrow to pick up anything I’ve left here,’ Will finally says. He sighs and lifts his head, his eyes soft and sincere. ‘You, Paul Narita, are the least selfish person I know. If it means it would keep you from being hurt, I wish you would be selfish more often.’

Paul stays there, strangely hollow, long after the door has closed behind Will.

;-;

Later, when the only trace left of Will is the smell of his shampoo lingering between the sheets, Paul turns off his phone against sympathy and pity and conducts a post-mortem of their relationship.

He had once told Will about the night he’d spent staring up at a shadowy ceiling, dwelling on a missed chance and his own lack of courage. Paul thinks about that now as he lies awake, staring at another ceiling with a different kind of ache in his chest.

He wonders if what he's done, his pre-emptive strike against heartbreak, is as much an act of cowardice as never risking his heart at all.

-

**three // the in-between**

Life goes on. Paul works, picking up more cases at Black Patch while his father is preoccupied with wedding plans and Steve continues to adjust to the loss of his sight. He starts swimming regularly and joins a trail-walking and hiking group, expanding his social circle beyond the interconnected tangle of Hortons and Bradys, DiMeras and Kiriakises.

He goes to San Francisco for his birthday. When he comes back, Brady takes him out to a bar owned by a semi-retired environmental activist in the next town over. It doesn't seem like the best place for a recovering alcoholic to be, but Brady is insistent, ordering Earth-themed mocktails and watching the crowd with interest.

‘This doesn't really seem like your kind of scene,’ Paul comments, gamely downing something bright blue and named after a whale.

‘Oh, it’s not,’ Brady admits readily. ‘But I’ve been told it’s a popular place with the, uh, LGBT… QI community.’

Paul feels his eyebrows rise and he can't help laughing. ‘Why was someone telling you that?’

‘I asked an intern at Bella Magazine for LBGTQI— am I even getting that right?— friendly places. She has a girlfriend so I figured she'd know.’

‘Okay…’ Paul thinks he's starting to understand. ‘I’m guessing I’m either suddenly not welcome anywhere in Salem or this is your way of telling me to move on.’

Brady is uncharacteristically serious. ‘I’d like you to consider it. Ever since you came to Salem, you’ve been stuck in Will and Sonny’s never-ending drama. You're too good for that, Paul. Those two… Look, I like Will, but the kid’s always had a messed-up life. Nothing will ever be easy with him. And you know how I feel about Sonny.’

Paul shrugs, staring down at his empty glass. ‘It was always my choice to get stuck, Brady. But I’m out of it now. I have no intention of getting in the middle of their relationship again.’

Paul expects Brady to be pleased, but all Brady does is shake his head and sling an arm around Paul’s shoulders, pulling him into his side for a brief hug. Paul’s surprised to find himself blinking away a prick of tears.

‘Try saying that with a little more cursing next time.’ Brady pats his shoulder and signals for the bartender. ‘Hey, what do you think of ponytails? That guy’s got an interesting one.’

;-;

It's easier than Paul thought it would be to avoid Will, considering they live a handful of steps apart. He guesses they're both using their knowledge of each other's schedules to circumvent awkward encounters. It won't work forever with the way they're connected through his dad and Marlena, but it’s— time. That's all he needs.

Two days after his night out with Brady, Eric runs into him on his way out of Martin House and passes him an envelope.

‘This is from Will,’ Eric says when Paul looks questioningly at him. ‘He wanted to make sure you got it.’

Paul turns it over, pressing his thumb against something hard and rectangular, and wonders what's inside. Eric sighs, looking a little uncomfortable.

‘I’m not sure what happened between you two, Paul, but…’ Eric pauses. ‘Will and Sonny aren't back together.’

‘Not yet,’ Paul says. ‘Not all of his memories have come back, have they?’

‘I don't know if that's going to make a difference,’ Eric says neutrally, before giving Paul a quick smile and disappearing into Martin House.

;-;

The envelope holds a birthday card, tickets to the opening night showing of a movie he’s been looking forward to for months, and a flash drive.

The card has a pre-printed joke and a message in Will’s handwriting, wishing him a happy birthday. The flash drive contains Tokyo Fab’s latest releases and a recording of their first live performance of those songs in Japan.

Paul curls up in bed with his laptop and doesn't think about the careful hint in Eric’s words.

-

**four // opening**

In August, Paul wakes up in hospital.

The first time, he remembers seeing the blurry outline of his dad next to an even blurrier Kayla. The second time, he’s already halfway back to unconsciousness and Will is sitting by his bed. There are dark smudges under Will’s eyes and a blanket draped loosely over his knees.

‘Hi,’ he says softly when he sees Paul looking at him. ‘You’re in Salem, in hospital. You were hurt during a case. It’s Thursday and you’ve been in and out for two days.’

Paul can't seem to find the strength to speak, but it doesn't really matter. Will’s already given him all the answers he needs.

‘Go back to sleep,’ Will tells him. ‘You’re safe here.’

Will’s fingers are cold when they curl over his. Paul holds onto the feeling as long as he can, fighting the heaviness of his eyes until he can't any more.

;-;

Will is there when he wakes up again. He stays longer than every other visitor, and Paul gets used to dozing off to the tapping of his laptop keys. He makes faces at the hospital food, bringing in chicken soup and warm bread instead. They talk about movies and Will’s phone calls with Sami and the guest list for the upcoming wedding. Will is the one who picks him up when he's finally allowed to go home.

‘Your dad wanted me to ask you— again— about staying with him and Marlena for a while,’ Will says as he unlocks Paul’s door. He steps aside, holding it open, and follows with Paul’s key and overnight bag.

‘I know.’ Paul sits on the edge of his bed, trying not to wince as he does so. ‘But I don't really think they need me as a house guest with the wedding coming up and so many people coming into town.’

‘Paul, you’re John’s _son_ ,’ Will says, staring at him in disbelief. ‘You were stabbed and nearly _died_. Do you really think you're less important than them getting some alone time? They have a honeymoon for that.’

Paul resists the urge to reach up and touch the layer of bandages under his shirt. It's a habit he picked up in hospital; Will always looks upset when he does it.

‘And what were you even doing, working that case alone?’ Will demands when Paul doesn't reply. ‘You should have had someone backing you up.’

‘It wasn't a dangerous case, Will,’ Paul says. He's tired, but he knows this has been building for a while, especially since Will’s been careful not to bring it up in hospital. ‘I was only trailing the guy because his wife thought he was cheating on her.’

‘Right, because being secretive about text messages and being late home from work automatically means it's just someone cheating.’

‘I’ll tell you what,’ Paul says, giving in to his exhaustion and lying down, legs hanging over the end. ‘I’ll let you take a look at the evidence I collected, and you tell me when it should have been obvious he was actually drug dealing as a side business.’

He isn't sure if it's the lying down or what he said, but Will falls silent. He sits down by Paul’s head.

‘I’m sorry,’ Will says quietly. ‘I don't want to fight. I just… really hate that you got hurt.’

Paul manages a reassuring smile for him. ‘I’m fine. Or I will be. I promise.’

‘Okay.’ Will scrutinises him for a moment. ‘Are you sure you don't want to stay with John and Marlena?’

‘I’m sure. I want things to get back to normal, and that's easier if I’m home in my own space.’

‘Okay,’ Will says again. ‘Then… will you let me help you out? Just until you're feeling better?’

He's strangely tentative for someone who had to be chased out at the end of visiting hours every day of Paul’s stay in the hospital. But then, Paul's not really sure what's happening, either. For all of the hours Will spent distracting him from the pain and the boredom and the frustration of being stuck in a cold, sterile room, they never once spoke about their relationship.

This is dangerous. He can already see Brady shaking his head in exasperation.

‘Thank you,’ he says. ‘I’d like that.’

Will's smile lights up his entire face. Paul feels himself falling again, an inexorable and inevitable slide back to heartbreak.

-

**five // inevitability, part two**

In September, wedding guests begin arriving in town.

Paul’s recovered enough that Will doesn't have to come by any more, and his time is probably better spent reconnecting with his family and friends. He doesn't argue when Paul says as much to him, but his expression is discontented. Paul tries not to miss seeing him every day.

His dad has stopped him from doing anything more than light research and paperwork at Black Patch, so Paul works on building up his strength again. He helps Steve organise the bachelor party, which is about as low-key as a bachelor party can get.

‘A baseball game?’ Will asks, eyes bright as he takes in Paul and the pile of equipment at his feet. ‘Whoever has you on their team is going to have an unfair advantage.’

‘Probably not. I might still be more of a liability right now,’ Paul admits.

‘Well, I’d still want you on my team,’ Will says lightly, and Paul can't help returning his smile.

It’s a good afternoon. No one takes the game seriously at all. There's a lot of playful heckling, it's uneven as hell with the wide range of ages and skill, and Brady almost gets a baseball to the face when he’s distracted by Shawn shouting out batting advice, but Paul can see his dad having the time of his life.

Afterwards, they head over to the pub for dinner. Will laughs at the bawdy jokes flying around and sits next to him all night, a line of warmth against his side.

;-;

Belle comes by the day after the bachelor party and whisks him out to lunch. It's a little awkward at first, which is par for the course when they meet up, but by the time they've finished eating, Belle is listening eagerly and making wry remarks as he fills her in on the latest Salem happenings.

‘God, how can Hong Kong be so boring compared to Salem?’ she complains. ‘That doesn't even make sense!’

‘I wouldn't mind some boring once in a while,’ Paul says dryly, dropping sugar into his coffee.

‘I guess it's more stressful than exciting when it's happening to you.’ Belle taps a teaspoon against her cup in thought. ‘Maybe that's why Mom and Dad never really talk about these things. When they call, they spend more time talking about new restaurants they've tried. I always have to find out what's going on from Claire or Hope.’

Paul grins. ‘I think between the two of them, you could probably get most of the town gossip.’

‘Not all of it,’ Belle says, arching an eyebrow at him. ‘For example, I still don't understand what happened with you and Will.’

‘What about Will and me?’ Paul asks, busying himself with stirring in more sugar.

‘Well, I heard you were very happy together, then suddenly Will was getting his memories back and you had broken up. But Shawn told me the two of you seemed very close last night, and this morning, Will thanked me for telling him about what happened between you two all those years ago.’

Paul stops stirring. ‘He did? Why?’

‘That's exactly what I asked him. And you know what he said?’ Belle pauses, smiling a little wickedly as she takes a long sip of coffee.

He can't help rising to the bait. ‘Belle…’

‘He said it was because it helped him find something that became very important to him.’

Uncertainty, longing and regret all flare up at once inside him. Belle’s face softens.

‘You should talk to him,’ she says. ‘It doesn't sound as over as you might think it is.’

;-;

The morning of the wedding, Paul wakes early. He takes his time in the shower, mentally going through the wedding schedule. It's going to be a beautiful day, but a long one, and he's already looking forward to getting some rest in between the ceremony and reception.

He's almost fully dressed when there's a knock on his door. Will is waiting on the other side, already in his tux.

‘Hey,’ Paul says, automatically stepping aside to let him in. ‘What’s going on? Did something happen? Are Dad and Marlena okay?’

‘Yes,’ Will says. ‘I mean, no, I don’t know. I haven't spoken to them this morning. And even though I have all the memories now to understand why, it's still really weird that your first thought is something must have gone wrong with the wedding.’

‘History's lessons,’ Paul says briefly. He slips his bow tie around his neck, letting the ends dangle as he gives Will his attention. ‘So why the early visit? I don't need help getting dressed, if that's what you're worried about.’

Will actually blushes at that, and Paul is hit by a sudden, intense desire to reach out and touch him. He turns away instead.

‘I was wondering something this morning.’ Will drifts around the room, but he doesn't take his gaze off Paul. ‘If my memories had come back all at once, would you have believed me if I’d told you I still wanted to be with you?’

Will’s words are unexpectedly direct after weeks spent together without either one of them even skirting the topic. Paul stares at him, surprised.

‘When you told me you wanted to break up with me, I thought maybe it was for the best,’ Will continues. He stops by the nightstand and picks up a thick novel Paul’s been using his free time to get through. ‘My memories were coming back in such a disconnected way, I felt like I couldn't be sure of anything going on in my head. I was so mixed up. I thought I'd still want you, but maybe you were right that I wouldn't.’

He opens the book and smiles. Too late, Paul remembers he’s been using the birthday card Will gave him as a bookmark.

‘And how could I ask you to stick around when it was hurting you? You deserved— you _deserve_ more than that.’

‘Then you agree it was the right decision,’ Paul says evenly, trying to understand where Will is going.

‘Yes. If I did feel something for Sonny, then it was better we ended things early. And if I didn't, the time apart was a good thing. I wanted you to see that even though you’d given me a guilt-free opportunity to go back to him, I wouldn't.’

Paul lets out a breath. ‘I know you and Sonny still haven't gotten back together, Will. What does that mean?’

‘It means I was right all along.’ Will puts the book back down, the card tucked carefully inside. He crosses the distance between them slowly. ‘I loved Sonny. Part of me always will, just like part of you always will. But I don't want to be with him any more. We weren't the grand romance people made us out to be; we were just two people who were in love once, who had as many problems as we did happy moments.’

‘Every relationship is like that,’ Paul says softly.

‘True. But not every relationship has someone dying and coming back from the dead without their memories.’

That makes Paul laugh a little, which makes Will grin.

‘Sonny’s changed,’ Will goes on. ‘I’ve changed, too. I could have gone back to him any time since you broke up with me, but I didn't want to. And this is what made me sure we were finished: when I came back, all I had to go on were my feelings about people. I had no memories to influence me, just second-hand knowledge and… instinct, I guess. All of that drew me to you, not Sonny.’  
  
It’s a lot to take in. Paul closes his eyes for a moment.

‘What do you want, Will?’ he asks.

‘I think I want a new start for us, if you’ll still have me.’ The tips of Will’s fingers touch Paul’s cheek. ‘No secret husbands or exes, no lying or cheating. No amnesia. Just… you and me, everything out in the open, as completely sound of mind as two people living in Salem can be.’

The truth is, it's always been easy for Will to get under Paul’s skin, right from the moment they met. Maybe that spark between them has simply been lying dormant for all the years Will was gone. Maybe that's why, despite his head knowing better, his heart had still given in and fallen so easily for the Will who'd come back without his memories.

He thinks it's why his heart is so willing to give in again.

‘I want that,’ he admits. ‘If you're sure.’

There's a sweet, familiar warmth in Will’s eyes. ‘I’m very sure.’

‘Okay.’ Paul looks at him, wanting— so much. ‘Okay, I—’ He breaks off and laughs. ‘I don't know what comes next.’

‘Well, I’m going to a wedding today.’ Will twists his mouth, as if in thought. ‘Would you like to be my date?’

‘Nope,’ Paul says, but before Will can look disappointed, he adds, ‘I’d like you to be _my_ date today. My dad’s getting married, you know.’

‘Huh.’ Will slips in close, his hands reaching up to play with the ends of Paul’s still untied bow tie. ‘That’s a pretty big deal. I guess we’ll have to compromise and be each other's date.’

Paul smiles, feeling as ridiculously giddy as Will looks. They sway closer, locked in each other's orbit.

‘I love you,’ Will says, like a statement of fact. He leans in and kisses Paul, and it's an ending, a continuation and a beginning, all at once.


End file.
